i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
