Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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