I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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