im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
