meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
