you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
