then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
