WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
