I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I checked into jail on foursquare
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
