just tell him i said nine months
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
