I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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