awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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