We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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