apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
