Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
