my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
