oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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