So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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