Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
