haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
