My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
