Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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