The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
