Michael Bay diarrhea
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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