Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
