I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
