During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
