As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
