i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
there is puke in my bra ... again
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
