At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
