You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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