I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
