Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
