the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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