Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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