tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
