Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
