90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
