i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
