if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
