Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
