hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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