Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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