Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
