No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
