Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
