i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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