FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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