I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.