Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.