I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall