Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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