It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
