I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
