I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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