drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You left your phone here
Wait...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
