Ambien. No doubt about it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
