Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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