I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
