woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
