if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
bring money and cleavage
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
