are you still at the devil's house?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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