i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
