Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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