Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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