just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My nipple is on Facebook.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
