Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
