Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
