The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
