I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
