By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
