Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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