dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
