I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
